Been quiet. Been busy working away on a book, ignoring all else. However this from the ex-christadelphian served as grounding for me. In my isolation tapping away at the keyboard, searching through web pages on experiences of survivors of other dysfunctional and spiritually abusive religions. In my painting and drawing through the dead of night I have found the Christadelphians everywhere. They go by many names... JW, catholic, baptists whatever, but they all have the same thing in common should you leave; religious trauma syndrome. Here is a tiny bit from my book on this topic:
Dr Marlene Winell describes the symptoms of religiously induced mental illness as religious trauma syndrome. She acknowledges that leaving a religion is not like choosing not to believe in Santa Claus, the prevailing assumption within society.
And here I find myself again confirmed by:
http://ex-christadelphian.blogspot.co.nz/
Post-Christadelphian Traumatic Stress Disorder
By - John Bedson
A poster on one of the “comments” sections in this blog has written of his life being:
“… a wreckage since leaving the Christadelphians …... I feel I don't belong anywhere, despite having joined a mainstream church. Part of me can't believe I won't return to them; it feels unnatural to be separate from them and it feels inevitable that one day we must go back. I don't understand these feelings, and I don't understand the sense of grief and betrayal I feel for having left the community. We feel like we are not a part of the Christadelphian community, yet also not a part of "the real world." It culminates in feelings of intense depression and alienation and anxiety, and we don't know where to turn for help.”
The answer to you problems is perhaps contained in a comment by TinaC posted a few moments ago (as I type this) elsewhere on this blog “These people have messed with your head.” I love the way she put that. It says it all. You have been brainwashed and now it is taking a while to get your damaged head back together. You have to get those interfering Christadelphians out of your life and out of your head, or they will continue to cause you problems.
Or listen to lyrics of the Eminem/Rihanna song “Love the way you lie.” The lady in the song is trapped by her partner in an abusive relationship from which she cannot escape. You feel that you want to go back for more control from the Christadelphians because you are addicted to the abuse. Don’t do it. Go “cold turkey” and get them out of your mind. Break the addiction to their petty control and nonsensical teachings.
We Ex-Christadelphians know exactly what this means. Most of us went through trauma when we left and we often see the problem discussed on the two different Ex-Christadelphian Facebook discussion forums. (One is for Christians and one is for Atheists). We even have Ex-Christadelphian members who were never baptized into the Christadelphian faith, who, because of their childhood experiences being brought up by Christadelphians, are left traumatized and unable to function properly in society. To put it bluntly it was child abuse; mental child abuse by indoctrinating irrational nonsense into undefended infant brains.
This note looks at the causes of this “Post Christadelphian Traumatic Stress Disorder” and also considers some of the coping strategies that we have found to be helpful.
This disorder is very common amongst people who have managed to escape from cults, or high control groups such as the Christadelphians. It is often called “Complex Post Cult Traumatic Stress Disorder” because the problem is widespread.
Christadelphians object that their group is NOT a cult, but of course it is. Just because they don’t drink cool-aid laced with poison or follow a leader with a gold Rolls Royce does not alter the fact that their beliefs and practices are as wacky as the Amish, Exclusive Brethren, Scientologists, Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses and many other cults who believe the most absurd things. Catholics and Anglicans also believe absurd things, but at least they are “mainstream” in society and do not seek to control their members’ behaviour to the same degree as a cult.
Christadelphians often count the number of times that their members attend services and have committees who have the cheek to contact “wayward” members who are not keeping a high score of attendance. Christadelphians usually dress alike, with a strict dress code of hats for the women in meetings. They generally avoid smoking even though tobacco is never mentioned in the Bible. Women are not treated equally and are denied the opportunity to speak in ecclesial services. They have a cult “jargon” in the way they speak (brethren, sisters, ecclesia, the emblems” etc.) They are fiercely xenophobic (sinners of the Gentiles etc) and usually refuse to read material critical of their own beliefs. Christadelphians are judgmental and interfering in the lives of their own members. They seek to be “separate” from society which they mistakenly believe to be wicked. Many Christadelphian ecclesias refuse to allow marriage outside of the faith, or divorce. They will not let members fight for their country, vote in democratic elections or even sit on a jury. Members who will not obey the house rules are intimidated by the prospect of being “disfellowshipped” from the group. Members are not encouraged to think freely for themselves because this is seen as a form of rebellion. Christadelphianism seeks to control the thoughts, feelings and behavior of its followers. All of these things and many more are cult behavior. It is not natural; it is dysfunctional; it is looking at life through a distorting lens: - it is a cult.
Ex-hostages, prisoners of war, concentration camp survivors, citizens of totalitarian regimes (like North Korea), victims of domestic battering or sexual exploitation, victims of childhood sexual abuse and many others often suffer from the same sort of traumatic stress disorder that afflicts those who manage to escape from cults like the Christadelphians. This problem is not rare; it is common. These people have been mentally abused by distorted reasoning over periods of time that can extend to many decades.
I was thirty five years old before I managed to escape from my family Christadelphian religion and I can testify that leaving was awful. My head was a jumble for three years after I left and it was twenty years before finally managed to put it all behind me and have the strength to reach back to those who I had left and seek to rescue some from their imprisonment. Unfortunately, assisting Christadelphians to escape is like trying to get people in a burning building to jump out of a window to the safety of a fireman’s net. Christadelphians are very frightened to leave and quite rightly so; life here on the outside can take a lot of getting used to. Sadly, most will never escape and will go to their graves expecting a resurrection, which of course will never happen.
Ex-Christadelphians suffer from some of the following psychological symptoms:
1. A sense of shame and embarrassment that they believed the ridiculous nonsense touted by the Christadelphians. (This is my number one symptom that I simply cannot reconcile in my mind. I feel such an ass that I believed all that stuff. At times I wish that I could curl up and die, I feel so embarrassed. What WAS I thinking back then – I’ll never know. I cannot overcome this affliction.
2. Guilt. You feel that you have betrayed all of the lovely (and they ARE lovely, just deluded) brethren and sisters who were so nice to you when you were a Christadelphian.
3. Self-doubt. Did you do the right thing in leaving? Will Christ throw you into the “Lake of fire” if he returns. (Probably).
4. Dysphoria, or inappropriate expression of feelings. Once you leave the Christadelphians your entire World view and moral compass changes dramatically and you feel as if you are floating in a foreign sea with no foothold. It can take years to rebuild the framework of your life and relating to others can be difficult.
5. Depersonalisation and or derealization. That is, feeling that you are not real, or that things around you are not real. The control boundaries of Christadelphianism have gone and while you rebuild those boundaries afresh the stress can make your head feel “foggy” and out of touch with reality.
6. A sense of defilement or stigma. When you were a Christadelphian you were xenophobic and judgmental of “The World.” Once you leave the Christadelphians you are part of that “World” and your mind can feel unclean because you are no longer “washed by the blood of Christ.” Your previous brethren and sisters will reject and criticize you. It is not easy to have the mental conviction that it is they who believe the crazy stuff and that it is you that have escaped.
The first thing to do if you are suffering from this disorder is to seek help from the many hundreds of Ex-Christadelphians who have experienced the stress that you are now feeling. Corky (the owner of this blog) can put you in touch with the appropriate Ex-Christadelphian forums where all of these issues and many more are discussed daily. Once you realize that you are not alone and that your problems are nothing different to what the rest of us went through, you will soon cheer up and your load will be lightened. You can also discuss on this blog and we will be pleased to help in whatever way we can.
You might want to study Post Cult Traumatic Stress Syndrome on the Internet, where there are many resources which outline the problem and suggest remedies.
In severe cases professional psychological counseling may be required to straighten out your thinking or help to lift depression.
You are welcome to email Corky or myself (Bedson@pacific.net.au) and we will be pleased to discuss with you in private by email. You are also most welcome to call me on the telephone if you need support. Or we can perhaps put you on touch with people in your area who left the Christadelphians and who are keen to help other leavers.
But perhaps the most useful thing that I can say is that hundred of others have gone through what you are experiencing and without exception the passage of time heals the mental wounds of Christadelphianism. It does pass and you do get over it – more or less. You are not alone and you are on the road to recovery. There is nothing wrong with you, other than the fact that you have spent too long with a bunch of crazies and some of it has rubbed off onto you.
Hold your nerve and whatever happens do not return to the Christadelphian mental prison. Try to make your escape complete by making it to Atheism. If you remain trapped in Christianity you have not really escaped at all – you might as well remain a Christadelphian. You are no further forwards. It is just superstition and wishful thinking